The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
