The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
