Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A bitchslap is in order.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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