I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
