i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
