Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
