She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize