Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
