Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
