he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
