Me too!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize