I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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