She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
