yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
