How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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