Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
