I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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