she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if only i could text you this smell
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
