I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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