does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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