I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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