OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize