he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
