She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
