What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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