Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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