If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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