I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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