Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
