come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
