last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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