How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
