Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize