Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
my poor anus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
