ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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