mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
