Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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