she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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