Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's get the cat blown out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
