i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
His hands were made for my vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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