ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
