Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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