If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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