return my video game
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
