i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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