i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I supernannyed him into submission
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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