in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
