dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
