Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize