Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
