That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
