I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
