He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
