dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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