Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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