I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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