Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
