Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
