At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
