she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize