how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
