so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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