quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
