Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
