i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
