Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
