I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
