oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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