he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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