I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
