He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
