well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
