you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im holly from the hills drunk
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
