the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He felt like a one man threesome
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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