Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
