i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize