I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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