He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
