she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
