Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
