Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
