just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
