i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize