i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
