I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's blow job season.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
