I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
