I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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