Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
