he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
