After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
