Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
