And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
