yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
