its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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