I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Watching her eat just hurts me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
