Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
