She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
