no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
