On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
