Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
